Dedicate to all - Please hear what I'm not saying

Today is the last day of POE. It has been rather challenging to be a coach for participants who are my parents’ age. It has been one of the dangerous grounds that I play in. I’m trilled and scare. They who I made wore the mask. The mask that sometime is so difficult to take off. Why people wear mask? Where did the mask come from? What does that mask means?

Share with you one of my favorite poem.

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one, but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it. That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love. It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself, that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing, and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding. I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them. I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me. You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings-- very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me. I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison, if you choose to. Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet and I am every woman you meet.

If Love is a Game...

If love is a game, how would you play this game?

Some play because it is fun;
Some play because it is exciting;
Some play because it is thrilling;
Some play because it is to self fulfilling prophecy;
Some play because of ignorant;
Some play to fill the emptiness in within.

If love is a game, I play to nourish the soul of others and myself.

Writing the story together – Chapter 0 (part II)

Ok. Now we got the orange book. I really love this book. (All the way from India).
Made from recycled paper à Love it..
Is so earthly… The cover is orange, we can do some drawing on it.. (need to find a way to protect it.. if not when it get in contact with water, the paper might melt.)
I love the texture of the book… at least is not those factory processed white paper (smell of chemical and “cut” people… “paper cut”)

The title of the book will be 100 days memories.
The next thing is to pick a date to start writing… So exciting…

Writing our story together – Chapter 0

I guess we have to start some where and somehow.
Let’s just focus on the positive at building this relationship. Day by day, Step by Step, affirming what you want to have in your in this relationship, let the consciousness wash over and reflect in the inner. Then accept it with joy and thanksgiving.
What we need is to learn how to get love in a more positive way and when anything went wrong in the relationship, we will be able to take care of our little inner child; we can lean to feel safe and accept our power.

Ok..
We need to decide on few things:
01. The title of the book.
02. The outline of the book
03. The book cover.

Till I see you again - I am Waiting

I am here with the door open and I am waiting for the moment.
That familiar voice of yours is just so comforting.
Till I see you again, wishing this day will come soon.

I am waiting, waiting for you to be there.
You could be my everything, the answer to my prayers.
I’m telling to the wind, your name.
Singing, singing the prayers for you.
Your love will find you and find me.

Let’s write the story together.
The future will be ours.
I’m waiting, waiting for you.
Your love can find me here. Until I see you.

He has not "I"

The smile behind the face is just beyond words.
The simple ‘I’ that many would have used in their sentence since age of you is not found in the vocabulary list. Life like a tape recorder and has got no ‘I’. Sigh.
There are just so much of unspoken that I have to piece them and yet there is so much to learn from him. People of his age would probably be thinking of what next for them in life and how much fun they are going to receive. He is just beginning to identify the meaning of “I”. I like …… is a sky high mission for me to work with. Will we have this day? I’m not sure. Or perhaps at least having the smile and not know everything maybe a better way of living. May the higher power give some guidance. God, show me the way.

What is Love ?

Is meeting soul mate a big challenge nowadays?
Someone confessed in an email below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have everything for happiness in my life: family, a good work and friends. But I am not happy, because I am very lonely. I miss the one thing, which will make me happy- love. What is it? Why people look for it for many years? I am a woman who doesn't give up and I look for my love for many years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In my reply, I wrote love is what you determine it to be. Many people associate finding soul mate as what love is. What about you?

Well, open your heart and mind and maybe you would see more love around you.

When Love Knocks on Others’ Door.

Gosh, I have not been blogging for quite some time..
I like what BS wrote for me.. love guru è I dare not claim this “title” at the moment.
Anyway, today’s blog going to be an interesting topic.
I have been blogging on when love knocks on your door. What about right now that when love knocks on others door.
Does love and selfless coexist together ?

Qiu’s parents were divorce many years ago and both the parents remarried few years after the divorce. Qiu’s stepmother was a typical stepmother that only cares about her own daughter from the first marriage. Eventually when Qiu got married, the stepmother even chased his wife out of the house. With some much of ill treatment from the stepmother, Qiu kept all these away from the dad. There were times that he wanted to tell the Dad that how much he dislike the stepmother, but he held back simply just because he feels that if he were to tell the father all the things, it doesn’t benefit him in anyway and probably upset and hurt his father.

I really admire this kind of selfless spirit from Qiu. I had learnt a great lesson from him and being selfless and maybe the world will be a greater place.
What is the purpose of finding fault at someone, complaining about something that we could take little control? Seek peace wherever you go. Rather than causing people to be upset, how about controlling our own emotions and minimize the destruction that could happen. Let go à simple word, great meaning.

Only when you empty frustration and hatred out of your heart, then happiness and love will find its’ way to the heart.
May your life start to fill with love and let love heal you in anyways.

Are You in LOVE ? (When love knocks on your door)

Have you even wondered why people can love fall in love deeply and the next moment lost the feeling for one another completely. “No more feelings” or “cannot feel anything”.
As you felt in love, have you lost yourself, or the relationship that you are in is just casing a lot of unhappiness to your surrounding people?
Personally, I feel that people fall out of relationship mainly due to:
01. Change in life values
02. Misunderstanding of intention. (people usually see behavior but not intention)
03. Lack of commitment
04. Ineffective communication
05. Lack of self understanding and awareness

So what is love all about and what is your ideal love?
According to Sternberg’s Theory ….

Liking = intimacy alone
Infatuation = passion alone
Empty = commitment alone
Romantic love = passion + intimacy
Fatuous = passion + commitment
Companionate love = intimacy + commitment

So what kind of love attracts you the most?

Experiencing Miracle

I had wonderful weekends, what about you?
Something amazing happened to me on sat. Have you ever experience the kind of joy when you met someone whom you lost contact with for many years ???
Few years back, my mom had an unusual reunion with her lady boss, they lost touch for almost 30 years and with great blessing, you got back together. This is a perfect example of miracle.

16 August 2008, I experienced miracle. 7 years ago, I met this inspiring lady. Jacqueline was the tour guide of my Secondary 4 Geography education trip. That was the first time and the last time I met her and I always wanted to find her, but we did not exchange contact back then, so….

7 year later, in the ordinary old ballroom, I met her. I knew it was her, I can’t be wrong. I walked up to her to ask if she is Jacqueline. She had a little recollection of me initially, “you look familiar”. We were in the same training, training to be mentor. We had a long chat, I was thanking her for the trip as it is definitely one of the factor that keep my friendship with my secondary school friends bonded for so many years.

Perhaps, this is the result of positive thoughts.
Thank you so much for this reunion. Thank you.

Rossana's New Behaviors

I woke up today with lot of thankfulness for this wonderful day that I am going to experience.

Yesterday, I encountered some unpleasant event and I had not been able to clear them for sometime until this morning I woke up. Last night before I go to sleep, I was telling myself that I will be fine and in my dream I can learnt to let go. I know anger create angry situation, therefore I pray that good thoughts will dissolve the negativities I had.

I’m in the process of positive change and I experience love wherever I go and now I’m going to create a wonderful job. I love and approve myself and I trust the process of life to bring me the best. In the infinite of life where I am, all is perfect. Each moment of my life is fresh and abundant. This is a new day, is a new me. I can think differently, act differently and all will add the wonderful me. Peace begins with me.

Some of my new behaviors:
01. 5 minutes break for 2 hours working and I’ll return to work fresh.
02. Say positive affirmation to myself every hour.
03. Go to sleep with loving thoughts every night.
04. Release people who have negative thoughts from my surrounding.
05. Thank everyone that I meet today.
06. Say a little prayer for the earth each morning.

My letter to my universal

Dear Universal

May you grant me power thoughts.
Let the thoughts that I have shape me into a stronger and better someone.
Free me from any stuck situation and dissolve all the negative thoughts. Let the positive thoughts fertilize the garden in my life. Fill my life with joy and peace in this journey.

I know my body can heal itself. My willingness to forgive will heal me.
I trust my inner wisdom and the inner place in me will guide me. This is the place where my inner self provide me with the answer to my own questions.

Even if I do not how to forgive I know that I can learn to forgive and you will help me. This forgiveness will be a gift from you. I thank you for this richness day that you grant me. The higher instinct and my heart will make peace with you. Together we work wonder.

The rhythm and flow in life that I’m with you will bring me the highest growth.
My perfect living space will bring my love. I thank you for the gift for today, the love for today. Fill my home, my work place to everywhere I go with all my needs. Let each moment be a wonderful experiences.

What I believe will become true for me and I trust that my life will get better all the time. I am willing to let go and serve my life with any positive ways. My new thoughts will always be positive and fulfilling. My thoughts that shape will world will be friendly, comfortable, loving, laughing and fantastic thoughts.

If there is any unloving thought, I quickly change it to a loving thoughts and I know you will support me. I have unlimited choice with my thoughts and there is no blames, therefore I chose thoughts that are useful for me. I release the need to blame anyone. I will do the best to let go and only the good will come.

I release all the things that cloud my vision. I will see the world with compassion and I know I’ll be safe with you. All lives love and will support me. I breathe in love and life supports me with all good. I am whole and complete. All is Well.

In any situation when I experience challenges, I immediate tell myself, in this situation only good will come, and all is well and soon I know you will get me to the best situation. I will go beyond and fears and limitation. It is my mind that will create my own reality. I am at peace with myself.

I am Loved. I love life. I love my vibrant and healthy body. I love my positive thoughts.
Today will be a great day and everyday will be.

When Relationship Fails....

Today I was talking to a very close friend of mine. She was facing with some difficulties in her relationship and she decided to break up. She said this: many people would think that it is hard and cruel thing for the party that is receiving the news, but no one would spare a thought for the one who ask for break up. It could be even tougher than receiving the news.

I may not be a relationship expert, but I can feel her frustration in the relationship. If I were to be in her shoes, my heart would have died long ago. There were times that she tried to talk their issues but over the year things did not work out.

I remember that some time ago when I had a lot of cases to handle in which most of they are children from broken families. I asked myself this that why relationship in the past seem to last longer compare to now. I guess the key to successful relationship is this one word: COMMITMENT.

In the past, most of the people were just match-make and they manage to live together for long, is because of the commitment they had. I remembered that my grandparents used to fight a lot when I was younger, and according to my aunties, they were worst before I was born, and now they are still together. There is no such thing as divorce or giving up in the relationship. But today, look at the society! I think in every 4 out of 10 children, they parents are divorced or separated.

What has gotten into the mindset of people in this era? Is it that we have more choices now? I can’t answer for other people, but I know that I will have the uncertainties in making decision. Part of me tells me that I need to hang on, perhaps things might work out, another part of me tells me that if I would have let go, probably we will be better.

My relationship philosophy is that, if it is meant to be, no matter what it will happen.
Everything happens for a purpose and a reason. In my whole entire life, I choose to believe that we are either her to learn our lesson or for other to learn our lesson or perhaps both. The ONE up there shall decide then. Take control of what is controllable and let the rest fall in place itself.

Maybe this is a lesson for us to learn or maybe this is the way you get on with life. Whatever it is, I sincerely wish you all the best in life. Perhaps it was difficult and unacceptable at the moment, you got to learn to deal with it. Things will keep happening to you until you have learnt the lesson. Good Luck with your upcoming. Thank you for your help past 1 year. I hope the next relationship you get into will be better.

Love is what makes you smile when you are tired

Back to this familiar place, I could hear the banging and shouting from the second floor, from the ground level. It was thunder loud as if the door was going to give way any time. I am not surprise if there were blood all over the places. As I was making my way to my therapy room, I was hopping that he is not the one in the Time-Out room.
Thank God! Is not him, this time round, is a new comer. He has been in Time-Out room since Saturday. Gosh, is like coming to 1 week.

It was nap time when I arrived at home, so he was still sleeping. I could only see him after nap and after tea time. I joined him for tea time, today is a shopping day. I’m glad he got some allowance this week, which means that he behaved. While in the lift, he threw tantrum and hit his sister (which I’m not sure if he know that was his sister – not sure if that was selective memory).

One tight slap on his sister’s face right in front of me, stunned for a moment. Lucky one of the nurse was with me in the life. Then she shouted at him, and the whole saga start. He sat down in the lift, hitting his head again the metal bar, banging his fits on the sides, lying on the floor and tons of vulgarity. We ended up shouting at one another. And since time-out room was not an option, I had no choice but to isolate him in Physiotherapy room. Both of us were inside and he started to throw the trampoline, the mats and chairs. There was no way I could get some sense to him. He continued to protest by taking off all his clothes. At my wits, I called for help. Thank God, a nurse was just walking by.. she came in and commanded him to behave, and then she used the golden word “TIE”.

Ok. As much I do not want to see him in such a state… I had no choice. There must be some ways that we communicate and he has to learn!
Finally, got him to put on his clothes and he sat down. Well, in the little reward system that I pull off. Food à since he can’t live without.
The little pack of biscuit that did wonders for me. I did my best to explain to him. Honestly speaking, I want to help him but he needs to do his part.. I guess he felt my sincerity and I knew that was our connecting point. 1 hour of tough session.. but it just so fulfilling that at least we start off somewhere.

The most rewarding part was that when I was about to leave my office, he stood outside waiting. I thought what’s next.. to my surprise, he held my hand and walked me down to the ground floor. As we are walking down, I reinforce to him my intentions, he seems to understand. I concluded that working with them is all about sincerity, they can feel us and they know if we are really there for them. The unconditional care and love for them could be the most therapeutic factor. At the end of the day, the smile that they carry with them is the most rewarding gift. Just like the saying: Love is what makes you smile when you are tired. I just hope that next week will be a better week for us.

The Thin Thin Line

Beside this busy main road is their home, their world.
I was filled with anxiety and fear when I step in. The staffs are all warm and friendly, this help a little to easy how I was feeling.
I was given 2 thick files and just soon after, she came in.
She stuck out her tongue and her eyes were no in focus, I sensed that there was tension in the room. This is the first time she is meeting me, and probably I’m the first person, other then the staffs in the Home, she is meeting for the first time of her 25 years in this Home. She will be with me for the next 13 to 15 weeks or so.
After a 45 minutes “conversation”, I got to know her better. I must admit that it was really very difficult. 35 year old girl with the mind of less than 3 year old, communication id one of our greatest barrier, most of the time, I was guessing what was she talking about, even the 1 word answer.

Just as I was about to go for lunch, another emergency situation arose.
He just flew into rage and was kept in the room that he is familiar, Time-out room.
The staff took him to see me, for that moment, I became one of the consequences of his behavior. 18 years old with the mind of a child. Fight, snatching food from others, ransacking the dustbin to find food regardless if it is rotten or dirty, a consistent visitor of the time out room. This melancholy experience led me feeling wistful.

Trails will always be trails when people choose to escape from it. Beside the busy road, in the never sleep company, there are people who flight very hard each day to proof themselves yet just within the thin line, there are people who chose to give up. Perhaps that was the best option that one can take. Well, well, people just have to go through certain event in life to learn and grow from there.

What is life all about, there are some people who are just waiting for death yet on the other hand there are some people struggling, fighting every single moment they have. What is the ideal meaningful life? Life is full of suffering and yet at the same time is also FULL of OVERCOMING. Face all trails with equanimity and trails will no longer be trails….

All is WELL….

you can click on the image to have a better view.

The Natural, Un-natural Self

By nature, I'm some one who don't really plan.. I love random and I like unexpected situation. BUT my reality requires my to plan A LOT.
I was just telling a friend of mine that I'm planning to get married at the age of 28.
So he was aksing, aren't you suppose not like planning and you are planning to get married, just as I wanted to share more about me dream ... he stopped me...

My godfather wrote an email to me this afternoon and REMINDED me that I need to take time off to find a boyfriend and he added that.. "don't tell me that you don't want to get married". In my mind, I was .... "what's the rush..."

Perhaps, we are at the age whereby soon, we will be going through the phase of “leaving home” setting our own family, we start to plan. One of my dreams is to have 5 children. Whenever people hear that, their eyes and mouth will be wide open! YES! I want to have 5 children. My ultimate dream in life is to have a warmth loving family, 5 children and my lovely husband. I said before, the moment I have my first child (before age 30), I will leave my full time work. I see myself as a therapist and I want to work for myself.

Having landed property (Semi D or Town House), with a little mini zoo at home, I had even plan for the animal that I want to keep. There will be 5 rabbits (the color will be: Cream, coffee, hazelnut), 5 tortoises (land tortoises), 2 dogs, hamsters and fishes. One of the floors in my house will be used as classrooms or therapy room. I will work during my free time, I will have classes at home while I take care of my children. A typical home-maker, preparing healthy breakfast for my lovely husband and children, in the evening, teach my children and prepare sumptuous dinner for them. Meanwhile, I’ll write books (need to have income to raise my children). My mini zoo and garden (will have organic plants at home) will be my therapy area. And my eldest child is about 15 I’ll start to lecture in open-university (night classes).

Take Pride at Work = Taking Responsibility

I just finish watching Air Clash Investigation on National Geographic.
National Geographic is one of my favorite TV programme.
Today it was featuring the “almost” air clash Air Canada.
It was a new plane Boeing 746. What happened was that ½ way the journey, the fuel tank alarm went off indicating that there is low pressure, meaning that the fuel tank is running out of fuel. The interesting thing is that the digital measurement, which work by calculation indicate that there should have fuel left. So the pilots have to perform an emergency landing, but before they could even execute the task, all the tanks alarm went off. This was the first time in history that an air plane operated at both engine down in 26500 ft above sea level.. is like holy crap.

Well, the pilot did manage to land, with nose break not functioning. It was a real close shave for all the passengers and the crew member. The interesting part is the investigation. After months of investigation, they found out that what went wrong was that the amount of fuel to be pumped into the air plane was calculated wrongly. GOSH.

The amount to be pump into the air plane is usually calculated in kilogram. In this flight, the amount of fuel needed should be 22,300 KG, but the airplane technician pump in 22,300 lb of fuel. The approximate KG à LB is 1KG to 0.5 LB. So which means that the technician only pump in ½ of what is required for the entire journey. The error is in the calculation of fuel in different metric. This little mistake could have caused 80 lives.

Yes, many of us would say that it maybe a small mistake. I remember very clearly that when I was taking my Diploma in Chemical & Pharmaceutical, there is one module about industrial safety. I remember the module very well, because most of the lectures, my lecturer will show case similar disastrous events and we will start to analyses where when wrong. A comment that lecturer made that leave me with great impact till today is: for any disastrous event to take place, there must be a lot of small ignorant mistakes or “take for granted” events to take place first. Therefore, each individual personnel hold an important role and responsibility for the position. A small little mistake can snow ball into something beyond imagination. A technician who role is just to top up the fuel tank could have caused a deadly air clash. Of course, the pilot is also at fault too for not checking the calculation that lead to the next level into the disastrous event.

Take Pride at Work, Take Responsibility for your Actions.

All Out of Love - cont. Love Rules

Back by popular demand … When love knocks at your door part 2.
This is also the continuation of the previous blog post.

I have a friend who recently fell out of love … and I wish that she will see this blog post.
Love can be enjoying, thrilling and exciting and yet at the same time it can become painful when falling out of it. I just hope that my friend can pull herself up soon.
Life goes on…

Some says that love move from different spectrums and dimensions. It is just like a double-edged sword.

Love Rules…
Rule no 11: Love can be a double-edged sword; it can hurt you with both ends. Be prepared.
Rule no 12: Love cannot be put on a weighing scale. If you are looking for balance, don’t touch it.
Rule no 13: Love has its valley of ups and downs. Be ready to ride the downs with pride.
Rule no 14: Love can make you into a better person only if you know who you are in the first place.
Rule no 15: When you are choosing who you want to fall in love with, keep in mind that others are doing the same.
Rule no 16: Appreciate what you can do for love. It is wise to know what to give and to get.
Rule no 17: Love is not an object. It cannot be possessed. Give others the freedom to choose love.
Rule no 18: Love is a game with no rules. If you want to play it well, be sure you know how to lose.
Rule no 19: Love is a feeling that may change with time. Give others the right to change their minds.
Rule no 20: The timing of breaking off is a personal choice. Be gracious to accept it when it comes.

Golden Rule: Love can give you both Joy and Pleasure. But it cannot guarantee you no pain.

This enlightening book about what love is… is specially written by Mel Chang.
If you are interested in the detail of , feel free to contact me.

10 Amazing things in 5 days !!!

Hi People !!!
How is the world treating you ???
I have been in total amazing / mind blowing world of my own with my very first backpacking buddy Trina. There are a lot of first time !!!

10 amazing things that I did over the past 5 days in Indonesia.
Counting Down with excitement ….

10. Travel from Jakarta to Jogja to Pangandaran without PLANing. (that is so exciting and my buddy and I underestimate those places, many of time, we need to run around finding accommodation)
09. Eating the road side food in Yogyakarta
08. Shopping in Ambasador (the “pirated” building in Jakarta)
07. Bargain in Maliboro Shopping Mall
06. Took public bus no 5 by the road side.
05. Dinner at Steak-house (The place whereby I fell deeply in love with the furniture)
04. Breakfast in Mini Tinga à lovely home-stay that serves fantastic breakfast
03. Taking 3 buses to reach Pramanan Temple!!! (in total from Borobudur to Pramanana is 6 buses !!!)
02. Swimming in Green Canyon à you got to see the pictures when I upload them.
01. Ride a motorbike without license in Pangandaran

I just can’t wait for Trina to pass me the pictures so that I can upload them…
Pen off for now ….
Time for my Tolak Angin ….. *cough cough*

End of Story - Stupid Liar !!!!!

We started to unfold the lies, which at the end of the day, we lost count of the number of lies he told. What a pathological liar….
Just 11 years old and such a great liar, I can’t imagine what this child will grow up to be. For the past few days, I feel like I was in an episode of Criminal’s Mind. I guess the worst part was that towards the end, his mother was the one indulging his behavior. Perhaps, it is difficult for the mother to accept the behavior of the child. Plus I guess the mother isn’t resourceful enough to handle the child or maybe the mother is just in her own denial.

For all the cases I handled, I would say that he holds the no. 1 in lying. To me, I can tolerate slow learner and mental disorders children, but for smart and intelligent child who manipulate others. My philosophy is that if I work with children, the parents must give consent to any intervention, if not I will not work with the child and parent.

~End of June Camp Season~

Now is the time to have some fun.
I’m located at Lake Lido, Sukabumi – Indonesia. I just went out to the night market just outside the hotel. There wasn’t anything that caught my attention in the market, but just as when we were about to leave the night market, I saw a road side stall selling steam peanuts. That’s my favorite, and it remind me about my childhood whereby my grandfather will pass me the freshly pluck out peanuts and my mom will take home to steam for me. So we brought 2 big bags of peanuts back to the hotel. As we were walking back, we found that most of the peanuts weren’t really cooked. And guess what…
We went back to the hotel room, and pour all the peanuts into the kettle, put water and boil. Cranky !!!! but it worked and it was really fun doing things out of the norm. =)

I want to end my life!

After dododoyo, now I have another child, he is just 11 and he said this: I want to end my life at all cost.

It has been a very challenging week with only few hours of sleep per day.
Las t night, my colleague and I have to attend to a kid who was crying in the room. From 3.30am till about 5am. So in total, I hardly sleep for 4 hours. Right now, the best thing for me to do is to blog, at the same time, waiting for the camp to end and I can hold briefing with the coaches, and then.. Hopefully, get some zzzz.

What does it really meant to “end my life”?
Can you imagine if you are a parent and your child tells you that he/she wants to end her/his life? Perhaps for some, it is an easy way out. In recent years, we have been hearing students telling their parents, teachers, school counselor, psychologist or even psychiatrist that they are very stress. STRESS has become a word that is very powerful. For many parents, when they hear their children saying that they are stress, they will just fall into the very panic mode, afraid that their child behaves irrationally and do silly things.

What have the children today become ?

I believe that we are created for a purpose and reason. If we choose to end our lives, we are just disrespecting our creator. There are people in hospital, at the edge of dying fighting for every single day, single hour, minute and even second. I always say this: is only that god think highly of us then post us the challenge. Therefore, cherish and live life to the fullest and be the best we can be.

I must say that this holiday is very enlightening for me, I finally get to “practice” and experience some of the theories I learnt in class, such as distorted the irrational beliefs of the kids, and ABC Theory for autistic child.

Dododoyo – Entering into a new world

It has been a very challenging week for me, is not the end yet… more to come… 1 and a half weeks to go and I’ll be on holiday. A long awaiting holiday! It has been a year since I went for holiday.

As I’m writing this blog, I’m keeping a look out for Dododoyo. To make sure that he doesn’t run around or do harm to self and others. You may wonder who is Dododoyo. Dododoyo is one of the participants in the camp right now. If you had read this book titled “the child call it”. Dododoyo is very similar to the child in the book.

I’m now having a life example of “the child call it”. This is the first time that I encounter with low functioning Autistic Child. He is non-verbal and the only audible word coming out from him is dododoyo. So my colleague and I started to call him Dododoyo.

Lucky I have a classmate, Matthew who teaches autistic children. He gave me a lot of insight information and directions to go about understanding autistic children. Ever behavior is a message. My ultimate goal was to decode his behavior such that I can understand him better. Banging his head into wall, running around, slap his ear, mumbling words that none of us could understand, throwing tantrums, etc.

I must say it is not easy to handle autistic child. Can’t imagine a camp whereby the trainers have to wash pants stained with urine, sleep with participant, and teach him how to brush his teeth. PATIENCE is the “medication” for all of us and him. This is the first time, my colleagues and I running a 24/7 camp with Dododoyo. So tired, so draining, every single moment, we are always on our toes looking out for him.

My salutation to all the personnel in special needs education !!!

For me
1 autistic child = very tired
1 school of autistic children = incredible madness

Blessing ?!?!?!

I just came back from training in Surabaya. For many of my outstation trips, I think this is one of the most memorable. The moment that I touch down Surabaya, I wanted to call my mom to let her know that I’m safe and sound. That was the moment that things started to go wrong for me. My lovely HTC phone decided to fail on me.

Well, in my mind I was still telling myself, it’s all right. Count myself lucky that I still can receive and call. Ok, so let’s move on. I shifted all my focus on my training the next day. The next morning when my colleague and I arrived the training place, first thing first, the projector person cannot get the get the image toggle to the screen. Just 10 mins before the training, my colleague realized that the person did not connect the cable to the right port. Ok. 2nd hinder passed !

Just as I was about to toggle my laptop and show a short video, I realized that my laptop began to be crappy. The start menu kept popping up itself and it disrupts the function of the laptop. I knew for sure… something is not right. Ok. Laptop got virus, but it is still alright because I save most of my things in my hard disk.

Just ½ way the training, my darling colleague phone went off. Initially, I thought it was my phone, I forgot that we share same ring tone. So as I was reaching for our phone, I DROP MY HARD DISK. O yes. For that moment, I was just praying that everything is going to be fine fine fine.

I quickly pick up my hard disk, hopping that my laptop will read the disk… BUT I didn’t…
That is it… first was my phone, follow by laptop and now my hard disk.

For the moment, I don’t know how to describe my feeling… it is just so beyond words and explanations.

So the first thing I did when I got back Singapore was to get all these fix !!!
That every moment I got down my flight was to call the company IT guy, Aaron.
He spend the entire night to reformat my laptop (so that I can post my blog now). But my hard disk (which contain my work from 2003 – now) à GONE. it would need about 3K – 4K if I really want to get it fixed. Well well, I’m sure going to give it a miss…

The best part when I related my mishap to my very close friend, he told me this: Perhaps it is the time for a NEW start.
Maybe… but I know for sure… more work to come by……

And coincidentally today’s quote for me was:
YOU DON”T HAVE TO BE GREAT TO START, BUT YOU HAVE TO START TO BE GREAT.
Well said !!! I'm going to be great and ALL IS WELL

Born Free

I am now located in Jakarta and today is my “holiday” after working non-stop and 7 Hr of sleep for 3 days! I’m still in good shape and I was reading Van!lla – June 2008, issue 11 - my colleague, Katherine’s favorite magazine.
There is this article that spurred me to write here, Born Free. The article was featuring this parent that was heaving “headache” during school holiday because she has got no idea where to “park” her 2 children. I guess that the thing about parents, when the kids are having holidays, their lifestyle just get upside down.

At my work place, I see tons of parents doing the same thing, finding different programmes to pack their child schedule from morning till night. For a moment, I was so happy that my parents are not like them. Perhaps the children life are more meaningful but come to think about it, are the children happy? Were are those days whereby boys catch spiders and girls play “five-stones”?

I remembered that one of the “silly” things that my brother and I used to do is to “fly kite” from our grandma house, located 10 stories high. We took NTUC plastic bag and sewing strings to tie the handle of the bag and threw the bag out of the window, letting the wind to carry it. It was so simple and yet just so fun. Till today, I still can remember it clearly in my mind how happy was I back then. I wonder will any children do this in this new age. To me, the only game that they have is this thing call electronic games, PSP, Play-station, wii etc.

So what is “childhood” means now?
Childhood = studying hard, top in class + enrichment classes + talent classes + tuitions + a little of PSP?

We are who we THINK we are

I just had an enlightening conversation with my boss (Adam Khoo – Singapore’s Top Motivational Trainer), and all I want to do is to pen this for all the reader. We started talking about Anthony Robbins (Unlimited Powers) and I was asking my boss what’s Anthony Robbins’ background, is he a psychologist, psychiatrist or have some medical science background. Guess what! I supposed none of us will expect Anthony Robbins was once a janitor and a school drop out. I was told by Adam that his turning point was that Anthony Robbins chance upon Richard Bandle, attended his Neuro-Linguistic Programme (NLP) course, but again he drop out of the course. Having the material, he started his own motivational talk and there is where he began to be very famous. Anthony Robbins also went on talk shows which he challenged all the therapist to bring their most challenging client to him and he will solve their issue just in half an hour. Well, he did it! Of course there are still non successful cases, but they are not featured.

This brings me to my next point about disorders. Are disorders biological or non-biological? With my recent successful experiment, I help a cerebral palsy teenage to “walk” again. For the passed 17 years he could only stand for 30 seconds, but in the camp, he walk for minutes. Then Adam asked if I came across reading Deepak Chopra’s book. Of course, being so clueless, I asked for more insights. (Well, I can’t deny that Adam got so much to share in this field).

Deepak Chopra’s theory suggest that human being have the ability to chance it own biochemist just be shifting the thoughts. With this change in the thoughts, the body begins to chance the chemical compound in the cell and with this in great manifest, the whole body chances. Heard of this saying – We are who we think we are! Isn’t it very true? So what’s in your mind now, and what are you telling yourself?

When Love Knocks at Your Door

Good Day
I happened to flip the book my lecturer gave me, “When Love Knocks at Your Door”.
To me, it is a simple book and yet has great meaning.
When love, so what’s love.

Rule No. 01: The important thing about love is not what you want, but why you want it.
Rule No. 02: Before you give yourself to love, think about which part of self you want to keep.
Rule No. 03: Love makes all things easy only if you know how.
Rule No. 04: Love is a gift from the heart. Treasure it.
Rule No. 05: Understand what you want and what other people want. Give room for growth.
Rule No. 06: Love is a special kind of feeling not a though. No point to reason with it.
Rule No. 07: Love has many dates not planned on a calendar. It is hard to tell when it will end.
Rule No. 08: Love is not a piece of work. It cannot give you success. Failure is never part of love.
Rule No. 09: Be ready to take a roller-coaster ride with love. It can be exciting and thrilling. But at the end of the day, it is just a ride.
Rule No. 10: Love cannot take away your pride or ego. Look to see if you have them in beginning.

These 10 rules probably had given you another perspective in life. More to go, in total, she wrote 20 rules, if you are interested, you can email me.

So what is love to you? I supposed it is hard to explain.
To me, love is a force, it is the force that keeps me going everything, and it is the driving force behind everything that I do.

I always say that this world is not all about of the poor, the starving, it is all about lack of love and in this well of love that each of us has, some are afraid to give because they scared that it may run dry, some don’t know how to give. What about you?

This new Begining

Welcome to Rossana’s Philosophies !!!
Creating this blog is one of the things to do on my 2008 list.
My main purpose of this blog is to pull all like minded people together. People who are interested in self improvement, inspiring people, helping people, coaching and counseling, this is the blog that you got to read, as I’ll be show casing some of the encounters I have in the areas. Feel free to comment and air your views in the post.